The following guest article by GoJira101 is quite informative, dealing with reading body language and how we can utilize simple clues when talking to a friend or loved one about TTATT. Without further ado, here is the article:

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body-language

When we speak to an asleep Jehovah’s Witness, we need to take care and watch the signs their bodies give us…

I am writing this information with the hope of helping you approach your friends and family with The Truth About The Truth (TTATT). The perspective I’m approaching from is how we can read their non-verbal cues to help us to wake them up. Also if you are still attending meetings or having contact with Jehovah’s Witnesses, how can you avoid telling them too much if you are being questioned and/or how to read their non-verbal communication to know when to stop talking and “back off?”
First I should explain how I have become knowledgeable on reading non-verbal communication. As a sign-language interpreter I have had extensive training, through college classes, on reading body language and facial expression (non-verbal communication) in order to work with someone who is deaf. My knowledge base also comes from the practical, everyday experience of working with deaf people. With American Sign Language (ASL), 93% is all body language, 7% is the actual signs/words. With ASL, because 93% of the language itself is body language and facial expression, I have to be able to read the person’s body language and facial expression in order to understand the meaning of what they say. For example, the sign for “FEAR” and “SCARED” are the same sign, but as we all know, being scared about something and having a fear, are two different things. Without being able to read the person’s body language I wouldn’t know what the person is trying to say.

I know you are probably thinking, “But how does this help me with talking to people about TTATT?” People read non-verbal communication every day without even realizing it. It is not difficult to understand non-verbal communication. People from all over the world have their own set of cultural non-verbal communication that truly shows what they are feeling/thinking. We experience these interactions every day.

"Don't even think about it"

“Don’t even think about it”


How many times have we come home from work and our significant other has “the look?” As soon as we see the look, we know we have to tread carefully. The point of this article is to help you start understanding what the non-verbal communication is telling you when it comes to talking with friends and family, and what your non-verbal communication is telling others. I’m also hoping this article can help you when you are telling your friends and family TTATT or if you are being questioned by elders or other family members.
Before I start explain more about non-verbal communication there is some basic information to help us understand how we communicate without using words.
First, non-verbal communication can include or be influenced by many things. Non-verbal communication includes Touch, Smell, Taste, Sound, Silence, Facial Expression, Gestures, and Posture. And we also have to include our Cultural Influences[1]. Like I mentioned before we already do this in our everyday lives with the people we interact with. The majority of the time people don’t even realize they are reading peoples non-verbal communication. Really with just a little time and practice you will start to notice what people “say” with their non-verbal communication.
Second, every situation when you are having any kind of interaction with another person, there is a set flow to the interaction; Sender, Message, Receiver and Feedback.
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send-message-feedback
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This is a simple diagram, but it illustrates the basic exchange a person has between other people. According to Gregory Hartley and Maryann Karinch, communication can be divided into 3 parts; the Verbal, the Vocal, and Non-Verbal[2]. The Verbal part of communication is the actual words we say. Vocal is the tones we make, for example, “um” “huh” ah ha” “uh”…etc. Non-Verbal of course is body language and facial expression. Now that we have a basic understanding on how we communicate with people, we can focus more on how we can understand the non-verbal things people say.
Reading your friends and families non-verbal communication when approaching them with TTATT, you have to establish a baseline of their body language to go by. Here in the United States we have basic expressions to show if we are mad, happy, sad, tired, irritated, annoyed, joy….etc. The best thing to do is start observing people trying to understand what the person is feeling or saying without listening to the verbal things they say to help establish their baseline. With some practice you will be able to start realizing you already understand people’s non-verbal communication, all you really need to do is start paying attention. I remember one time when I was taking my basic Intro to Psychology class I had to go to a public place and just observe people and write down my observations. I was very surprised with what I found. Even though I didn’t hear what people were saying I still could understand what was happening between the people. Take some time and do this. Go to the mall, go to any place where there are people gathered and just sit and watch. If you don’t have time or don’t want to go out and observe, then rent a movie and watch it without the sound on or better yet, to practice reading non-verbal communication, watch an old silent film. YouTube has many silent films on their website.
Since you know your friends and family best, you should already have a “baseline” relating to their non-verbal communication. One of the most common things I hear people say is if someone looks up and to the right or down to the right they are lying. Hartley and Karinch say that making “A broad conclusion such as this about a particular piece of body language usually has very little meaning. Until they are connected with other factors, and until you have baselined a person to determine what is normal behavior, you can’t draw a conclusion about truth or deception based on a single eye movement” (22). The point is, we have to know the baseline for the person we are trying to reach and go from there.
Example: I know most of the time when my husband is lying to me. His facial expression almost always has the same look and I can tell he is lying by how his eyes, eyebrows and mouth looks. Also by going from his vocal inflection, I almost always know when he is lying, I can also tell because his voice has a higher pitch to it. Likewise I asked him how he knows if I am lying to him. He said my “tell” every time is my vocal tone/pitch gets really high.
This is just an example about my husband’s baseline and my baseline with regards to lying, but if you are familiar with your friends and families baseline, you can start paying attention to them and find the right time to tell them TTATT. Or read their non-verbal communication to know when they are becoming uncomfortable and starting to close their mind again.
Most of us have been there: we are having a nice open minded conversation with someone we know and it seems like they are actually listening to us and we think “Yes finally! I’m reaching them,” but then all of a sudden it’s like this steel door slams shut and anything we say after that, the person then turns their back on us saying unkind things. From my experience when I have tried to talk to friends and family about TTATT, I could tell right away when that happens and I need to change the subject and just drop it. Yes the things they say are hurtful but this is their defense mechanism because you are trying to change something or talking against something that is deep down in the core of their being. People may listen to you for a short time but the second that door slams shut we need to back off, and give them time to work things out in their own mind because they are the ones that have to make the change. We have to accept we will never be the ones to change them. All we can do is try to tell them TTATT, and hope we can reach them, but we can also use their non-verbal communication to tell when they might be more willing to listen.

TTATT

When a spouse tries to teach the other the Truth About The Truth…

I remember when my husband and I were starting to learn TTATT, I would find out something very negative about the Watchtower organization and I would tell him and I wanted to talk to him about it and right away that door would slam shut and sometimes it would take a week or more before we could then talk about it. It was very hard on my part because I wanted to talk about it and just try to figure it out together with my husband, and he didn’t want to. It required a lot of patience on my part, because I knew I couldn’t push him or I would lose him.
Another example is recently I talked to a friend of mine who has studied with Jehovah’s Witnesses off and on for many years. She actually approached me and was asking why I left Jehovah’s Witnesses. We went and had lunch together and I showed her things from Watchtower literature and she was devastated. One thing I had to keep reminding myself is how I felt when I learned TTATT. I think the biggest thing that helped with telling my friend TTATT is I never attacked her or Jehovah’s Witnesses directly, I would show her something from the Watchtower and then ask her if she understands what it is they are saying, and how it conflicts with the bible. Even though I don’t believe in the god Jehovah anymore, I never attacked her directly and said to her “that god Jehovah is a false god, you can’t believe in him anymore…etc” If I had approached her from that angle, she would have slammed the iron door on me. I still don’t know how things will progress with my friend learning TTATT, but she is still talking to me at the time of this writing.
Just like how you are able to read someone’s non-verbal communication, they are equally able to read your non-verbal communication as well. If you find yourself in a situation where you are being questioned by elders, family, or friends, be mindful of what your non-verbal communication is telling them. In the book “The Power of Non-Verbal Communication” the author talks about how poker players are very skilled at reading other players “tells.” People make subtle changes to their face at every moment, and poker players are in-tuned to these changes and they use the subtle changes in facial expression, pupil dilation, how fast the eyes blink, to “read” the other players to know if they have a good hand or not (69). I wonder if that is why most professional poker players wear dark sunglasses? When you are before elders or being questioned by friends and family, try to be mindful on what your non-verbal behavior is telling them. Have your poker face on, give them nothing from your non-verbal communication to tell them anything.
I can’t go into everything and explain how to do this or what to look for, so I would suggest readying the two books I am using as references. I am also going to provide a clip of someone known for lying and I will provide my analysis of JJ’s Judicial Committee hearing and my observations on the elder named Cosmo during JJ’s judicial committee meeting. Since I don’t know what Cosmo’s baseline is, my observation will be limited, but even without doing an actual analysis when I was watching JJ’s JC meeting, I picked up on some things with Cosmo’s non-verbal communication that lead me to think there was something bothering him that went deeper than just finding out your friend will be disfellowshipped[3].

Clinton lying

“I did not have sex with that woman”!

The one example that is perfect to show how people can lie with words but can’t lie using their body language is President Clinton and his affair with Ms. Lewinsky. Notice how when President Clinton is saying “I didn’t have sex with her”, his head is nodding yes (this is a verbal non-verbal conflict). When he is saying he never told anyone to lie, he is nodding no (no conflict here). Then he says the allegations are false, did you see it? His head was ever so subtly nodding yes. (His verbal and non-verbal again were in conflict).
To finish this up all I can say is I hope this article will help someone with telling their family and friends TTATT. I’m not an expert in reading people’s body language and I’m not a Psychologist, but I believe you don’t have to be in order to help people or to even understand what a person’s non-verbal communication is telling us. If you are interested in learning more about Psychology I would suggest looking into Phillip Zimbardo. Many years ago he produced some videos on Psychology that are still used today. I know most libraries’ have these tapes/DVD’s available for check out. It’s a good start. I’m also providing the information from the two books I used as sources. Since those authors are the experts in non-verbal communication, I suggest if you want to learn more to read those two books. Again you can get them at the library.
One last piece of advice, you can take it or leave it if you wish. When you are talking to a friend or family member about TTATT, remember we all were there at one point when we learned TTATT. We left angry, betrayed, lied to, sad…etc. Remember that when you are sharing TTATT with someone who has had these beliefs for many years you are causing the same feelings to come up in them. Don’t lose your humanity! By humanity, I mean don’t lose your ability to empathize, to show kindness, to show love. Don’t let your anger and frustrations with Watchtower control you to where you lose your humanity. Also whether you still believe in God or not, remember too that the person you are trying to tell TTATT to very much believes in the God Jehovah, and they would rather die for him to show their loyalty to him then leave the organization. That part of it needs to be handled delicately.
I wish all of you the best when talking to your friends and family about TTATT.

Sincerely,
GoJira101
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If anyone would like to communicate directly with GoJira, email her at GoJira101{at}hotmail{dot}com.
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Bibliography
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[1] Calero, Henry H. The Power of Nonverbal Communication. Aberdeem, WA: Silver Lake Publishing, 2005.
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[2] Hartley, Gregory and Maryann Karinch. I Can Read You Like a Book. Franklin Lakes, NJ: Career Press, 2007.
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[3] The following observations have been made after a close viewing of the first section of JJ’s judicial committee meeting:

5:48. Cosmo is readjusting his tie, when there is no need to. Is he nervous? Uneasy? Bored? I don’t know…but that type of movement is not a normal non-verbal movement.
5:59. Watch his arms and shoulders…Nervous tick? Trying to become comfortable? It’s wasn’t just one movement. The movement continued longer than just a quick adjusting so we are comfortable.
6:58. Now his legs are doing the same thing, they are moving too much.
7:30-8:16. That was too long for him to fix his eye glasses. Normal movement is to do a quick adjustment and be done. He took too long to adjust his glasses.
He is also doing his arm flapping again. Is his starting to feel stressed and is doing this to relieve it?
And he is moving those papers on his lag too much. That is not normal movement.
Cosmo’s is very fidgety while JJ is talking about the accusers.
Also the brother, whose foot is in the frame, is shaking it more than normal. He did shake it a little in the beginning, but while JJ is speaking this brother is shaking the foot a lot!
Cosmos has taken his glasses on and off a few times. That is not a normal movement people make. He’s not reading anything, so why did he put his glasses on, and then take them right off again? All this while JJ is still speaking.
8:22. Cosmos takes a deep breath when JJ is questioning why the accusers didn’t come to JJ and went straight to the elders. He is still fidgeting bad!
8:30. He honestly believes what he is saying is true. His head movement is matching what he is saying. His overall body stance has taken on an air of “I’m right and how dare you question me or the elders!”
8:25-8:41. He said if it’s a “gross” sin… he just lied! His head movement did not match what he was saying. It’s very subtle. “if it’s a gross sin (shaking his head no, for the non-verbal to match what he is saying his head should be shaking yes), Math 18 doesn’t apply (heading is matching what he is saying). Also note while JJ is talking, Cosmo is looking very uncomfortable and he is moving a lot more.
During this part, watch his head movement! It is telling a lot!
8:45. That pointing this he did was kind of weird. He pointed at JJ, but then when it was Jehovah he pointed at, he pointed down…that is really weird. He didn’t point up where Jehovah would be or at the bible, that would have been a more “normal” gesture!
9:24. Why is he going to adjust his glasses when they are already in his hand?
When JJ is saying he has questions, Cosmo is starting to fidget a lot more. He looks very uncomfortable.
10:34. Watch Cosmo’s face when JJ asks he the question about his father-in-law. There is a lot going on with his face and his body movement. With his body movement he starts to fiddle more with his glasses and the papers in his lap. The facial express is hard to pick up on because they are ever so subtle changes. At the beginning he goes from having a “neutral” expression to looking angry, scared or “sick” because they had been caught revealing about information about the JC meeting.
11:16. Notice how he isn’t moving or fidgeting much right now?
13:00. Cosmo started to talk over JJ. One thing you have to understand, when people do this in most situations to them its like “I’ve heard enough, move on” Of course since I wasn’t in that room and I have never met Cosmo, I don’t know if he is the type of person who interrupts. My take on this whole section is Cosmo was very uncomfortable when JJ was explaining how someone of the BOE was revealing confidential information about the JC meeting, and JJ explaining how things are happening to him, Cosmo had heard enough and wanted to change the subject. If this would have been my JC meeting I would have done this “So Cosmo, I can tell from your body language you are very uncomfortable about this, does that mean you were the one to break confidentially?”
16:00 notice now that Cosmo is hardly moving?
22:17, when JJ said their secret elder book was available before they even got it, you could see the shocked look on Cosmo face, and have you noticed he’s starting to fidget again?
He also looks angry.
39.00. Start watching the bible in Cosmo’s hand. Bending the bible like that would not typically be a normal movement someone makes. Again since I never met Cosmo, I have no way of knowing if this is a baseline movement for him or not, but I find it interesting now he bends his bible.

Rating 3.39 out of 5
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22 Comments on Body Language and TTATT

  1. Newly Enlightened says:

    Awesome job Sweetie & JJ. Once you start focusing on Cosmo’s body language, it’s really weird. It’s almost like he didn’t even want to be there.

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  2. Londo says:

    When I learned TTATT, I was relieved. I felt peace. However, I need to empathize with the fact that I am in the minority on this.

    The Watchtower theology was a fence that separated me from God, and learning TTATT, the barrier was destroyed. I finally felt true hope for the first time in my life, without a cloud of guilt or fear. For many who are captives of the concept, this might seem like destroying hope, not creating it.

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  3. Ryan Arko says:

    I love body language. I am naturally gifted at being able to spot a lie, be it through voice inflections or body language. My wife was a bit resentful because I could read her family all the time and it seemed like I was trying to say I knew them better than her. So I bought her the book referenced in this article so she could learn.

    However, there are always situations were general readings are influence by other things. For example, when you reference the body language from the judicial meeting as not normal, you have to take into account motive. Things like fidgeting and bending a bible are unmistakable as stress relating to honesty.

    Things like adjusting glasses or a tie could be psychology related to self-confidence or awareness of appearance.

    The reference @8:45 when he points down to talk about Jehovah instead of up, it’s because he believes whole-heartedly that they are either the representation of Jehovah or that they are on par with Jehovah. Pointing down meant “here in this room.”

    @13:00 The explanation for the fidgeting is revealed. The Elder doesn’t want a dialogue. He went into this with the intent of exerting authority. Because he is obligated to follow WT policies, he is forced to hold back the whole conversation. At this point, he is done with it and just wants to get to the f’n monkey.

    Anyway, just thought I’d offer my two cents.

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    • miscreant droid says:

      Great comments, Ryan,
      I’m usually more fearful of ‘psychology’ being a perverse and debilitating religion than I am of the flunkies at the WT who pass off their personal opinions as though it were God’s. Getting rid of bias to evaluate someone you don’t like requires a peculiar insight that most practicing psychologists don’t possess. Though probably all of us reading this resent Brother Cosmo, it’s not fair to call him a liar. His conviction that Almighty God has ordained him to perform this pointless, unscriptural disfellowshipping is without question sincere. To point to his shiftiness as anything deeper than mild frustration would only be a complicated form of name-calling.

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  4. Newly Enlightened says:

    When we learned TTATT it was very traumatic for us. Because we realized that we had been lied to for 40+ yrs and our entire belief system was based on lies.
    Then when we started talking to other family members, my mother decided that since I didn’t want to believe in the GB anymore, that I was a demonized apostate and she could not have anything to do with any of us anymore.

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  5. danielB says:

    Sometimes we hear the claim that “the eyes don’t lie” . I have to disagree on that . People are quite adept at putting themselves into a role , as theater proves .

    Once I read that it is better to study the expressions of the mouth than focusing on those of the eyes . There is pursing of the lips for example , and the expression of the mouth does not necessarily match those of the eyes . Of course this analogy depends upon the individual so it really helps to know the person .

    It seems related that since the hardest member to control is our tongue , that the mouth can be a hard cover-up too .

    Body language is mainly a good guide on attitudes and dispositions . Sometimes we might get it wrong but there are usually some tell-tale signs .

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  6. andrew says:

    Nice article thanks, gojira

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  7. JJ says:

    You GO, Gojira!

    Great info and helpful for any of us talking with an asleep JW friend or family member.

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  8. suavojr says:

    TTATT works in different ways and it depends if the person is searching or not. In my personal case I’ve been having doubts since a teenager but had it all surpressedd, but in 2010 the GB started making comments in the new DVD and with the overlapping generation that woke up my doubts. But it took me from 2010 until September of 2012 to sit down and actually be willing to do research outside the WT and it was devastating.

    What I want to point out, is that if you know the person you want to share TTATT is not looking/willing to find answers never say things that will turn on the apostate defense mechanism. Take it day by day, one moment at at a time, find common ground and always try to determine what topics the other person feels related to. That way you can talk about a topic they are willing to be sincere about.

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  9. Wakeupwitness says:

    Zzzzzzzzz…time for a new post.

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  10. danielB says:

    Looking into the pupils of the eye is a revealing body language source . They open up more than normal when interested , and they close down in size for the opposite reason : . . . one more thought . . . sorry Wakeupwitness .

    Now you can go back to sleep . . . zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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  11. Wakeupwitness says:

    I’m just shocked nobody has put a new post regarding the “new light” of the FDS from the July 15th Study Edition Watchtower. Also, just wondering if there has ever been a post about how JWs are “demon paranoid”. This would make a great post.

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  12. Chris says:

    Ain’t that the truth. I am sure that some of them think the Devil is in their basement taking notes.
    It’s this culture of misplaced fear that prevents love from doing its work.
    When we look back it is so obvious now, yet I feel sad for those still asleep.
    As I said to my wife ” you accuse me of being poisoned by satan and apostates, but I now know that, for years, I had been sedated and tranquilized by repetitious lies and double speak to the point that nothing dubious the org. did even registered anymore”….Almost!
    Despite the many good points, being a JW is like being driven on a tour bus that starts out with magnificent scenery, then as the passengers become tired, hungry and start to say ” this wasn’t in the brochure”, the driver turns up the heater until they all nod off to sleep, until they get to another convention,where they are loaded up with a high calorie low nutrition meal that makes them feel full.
    Same food, re-branded, re-heated, re-packaged and sold as fresh.

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  13. Rupunzelsawake says:

    Some fantastic analogies there Chris! Wakeupwitness, I did read something about the “new light” July 15 WT on Shazoolo’s youtube channel..Someone does a break-down of the magazine. I do get the impression though, that this person wasn’t really up to date with WT theology (ie, hadn’t kept up with the changes over the years)

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  14. Skyrainbow are you out there? I haven’t posted for some time and I can’t help but notice Sky’s absence. I hope all is well with you.

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    • JJ says:

      I’m glad you are asking about Skyrainbow. I’ve noticed that “JW apologists” (ones that are disobeying the governing body and visiting sites like this one and others) commenting on my YouTube channel is on the rise. Many of them are trying to defend “The Truth” and are sincere. Unfortunately many of them are bullheaded and arrogant in the way that they try and make their case. I may try and post an article about this point as it keeps happening more and more.

      Below is a link to the video I made about this:
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzgcpewzFy0

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  15. Thanks JJ. I’ll definitely check out the video link you posted.

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  16. Mike says:

    The WT has a body language of elimination when challenged . Like wild man Jehu . And some on this site have the same extreme approach towards the people within the WT . . The WT teaches many good things and a few extreme things that are not rooted in Scripture . Lets hammer away on the wrong items and give credit where credit is due as well . The WT is not blessing the troops as they go to murder their brothers as do some other Christian religions .But at the same time they must STOP the spiritual murder of people who have a different position on vague scripture .Moderation is needed .Not extremism . Jesus attended synagogue although the religious rulers were way out of line . He attempted to influance from within .And he paid the ultimate price .It requires skill and patience to not be DF’d by the leaders .Personally I suspect there are a few bad men in the GB pushing these extreme doctrines as a effort at control and prominance . Personally i beleive there is a high concentration of very good people within the Org and even at the top levels . A few bad men at the top can create a real mess . The stratagy is to target the bad few at the top and be relentless .Target the wrong policies and that may draw out the bad apples . In reality there may simply be 2 or 3 REAL apostates right on the GB making the entire group look bad.I do say to my wife who is a true beleiver in the Org to watch what God does next to fix the mess . We all may be shocked .My real awakening was when 8 men stood up and declared themselves faithful and discreet.I wonder how many of those 8 men are uncomfortable with that proclamation .Maybe some are but peer pressure can be strong .

    May we always respond with kindness and love to all .

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  17. Sunset says:

    Break the Chains, I think Skyrainbow was banned by JJ.
    Eric has a problem to admit this. Because what is the difference between the practice of disfellowshippping and the banning of someone.

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  18. JJ says:

    Sunset

    You are saying that I have a problem banning people on my personal blog. I don’t like to ban anyone I want everyone to have a voice.

    But when someone goes around annoying everyone, I get dozens of complaints, they are trolls, etc, then I try and work something out with them. If there can’t be a compromise reached then yes they might be banned.

    This is just a blog and has zero connection with “DFing” someone. I’d happily sit down at a coffee place and chat with Skyrainbow if I had the opportunity!

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  19. phillip says:

    Did Cosmos ever leave “The Truth”? He seemed extremely uncomfortable. He also seemed like he was the one with the most opened mind. Maybe you got through to him? The young guy on the right was closed off, crossed leg and folded arms. Probably trying to prove his worth to the borg by being tough. You mentioned in a video that your friend Eric had passed away. Was he the guy that had waited outside for you at the KH? I am sorry to hear of his passing. I know of two JW familial brothers that had committed suicide due to being in the borg. :(

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    • JJ says:

      Many have mentioned what you observed Phillip. All three men are still serving as elders. Yes the youngest one on the right was the most sarcastic and closed off of the group and he had only been an elder about a year at that point. When you read the transcript of the meeting you can really pick up on his demeanor.

      Yet another Eric, a suffering former JW named Eric Reeder, died due to the harsh shunning practices of the Watchtower religion. I made a video about his story here:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo5S0E437nQ

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