The forums now have replaced the old “Stories” page. The contents of the page has been preserved below. In the future, go to the forums and share or read the stories there.
We all have a reason and a story for being here, on a site that is considered “dangerous” by some of our fellow Witnesses. Perhaps you would be willing to share yours with the group.
As Jehovah’s Witnesses or former Witnesses, we know what it’s like being a part of an Organization that on one hand praises God and Christ and publishes “the truth”, yet at the same time promulgates certain doctrines and policies that are at direct odds with the Holy Scriptures.
What is your story? Where are you at in your spiritual journey? How did you become conscious of the “struggle”? What woke you up, and how long ago was that? Do you actively attend meetings? Do you share in field service? Do you still believe in Jehovah? Would you consider studying or attending services with another religious group? Be careful and don’t give away too many details if that will clue somebody in to who you are…be safe and change a few details if need be. Answer one, all, or none of these questions as you share your testimony with us.
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11 Comments on Stories
December 27, 2010 at 5:07 pm (Edit)
HMM At the moment I do not want to be too detailed as I am one of those that pops in and out a lot…I still attend meetings I have not been in field ministry for a couple of months..not because I feel its the wrong thing to do…but I am in the process of examining the message…All of my close friends are JW’s..and I have not shared my “struggle” with them..I am searching so if I thought there was another group that could provide spiritual enlightenment I would not be opposed to studying with them..Some of my family members know I am struggling and one of them is also struggling..I was born and raised this way..and have much love for my brothers and sisters. I do not want to discuss the details of my questions because I feel that this could lead to some questions for others that they may have not considered and I do not want to compound doubt for others…just looking for answers right now.
December 28, 2010 at 12:18 pm (Edit)
Thank you sister K. I can relate…
December 28, 2010 at 8:24 pm (Edit)
I dealt a lot with the issue of pedophilia in quite a few congregations. Hearing the details and all. Threats of DF awakened me. Also in my congregation, all you heard was GB this GB that. The watchtower conductor would enforce not going outside of paragraph, things like this scared me. Ending the convention with “The GB loves you” reminded me of Jim Jones. On the convention program, This convention was brought to you by the GB. I said “Golden Calf”, Jehovah I will not bow before it. I saw too much corruption at the top, at Bethel. I didn’t want to change them. I just wanted to go quietly, slip away without losing my family. I know A “Golden Calf” when I see one. I ran!
December 31, 2010 at 4:32 pm (Edit)
i left after a long struggle with my thoughts and i had a blood transfusion 2 years back to save my life as i had twins and i would have died if not i had 7 units of blood,i struggles with it for a long time and i came to terms with it asfter a long hard few years of study and questions and i beleive i did the right thing, i also had problems with lonlyness in the jw kingdom hall i went to and also with some of the practises that i think are totaly not nessesery,i disagree with the teaching of certain things and only since i started to realy look into the scriptures did i question things,i feel closer to jehovah god since leaving and feek free to study the bible with out looking over my shoulder all the time in case i get in to some trouble for having questions.
i strive for truth and im on a paath to find it,
im glad i met the jws as it helped me alot and even thoe i have left i still wish i could talk to them freely, but i know they wont talk to me as they feel that im an apostate,
jsut cos im on a path for real truths and a mindful search for my way in lifes path that i feel jesus is leading me along,
i feel that i shouldnt have had to diss myself just to be able to do this and that i should have my own mind on matters and be able to question things with out them thinking im an apostate, and that if i want blood i should be able to have it with out being loked down apon and be told i should have died,
January 18, 2011 at 9:03 am (Edit)
My Story by Lester Kite Part I
I was a “born in” my father and mother got the “truth” very shortly before I was born 44 years ago,they were very young parents but both took to the teachings of The WTS very easel, my father making MS grade and became an elder when the arrangement was started sometime early in the 70’s.Childhood memories were very grim the ostracization and isolation my sister and I being virtually the only kids in our respective schools,constantly having to sit out assemblies/religious instruction class’s took it toll om myself and I found myself desperately unhappy even at this ridiculously young age,also my father to extreme measures when applying the “rod of discipline” command and thrashings became a weekly occurrence he had a particular fondness for a thick leather belt,but a thick stick,his hand or anything that came to hand would generally do,sickeningly his punishment habit for me I believe developed into sick sexual thing my bare buttocks whilst his pants were falling down to his ankles and then thrashing me bring back memories that turn my stomach.I was not the young JW son that he had clearly hoped for (he worshipped my sister)I hated FS and giving talks and would feign any sort of illness to miss meetings,by about 14 years of age I simply refused to get ready for one particular meeting and strangely they let me stay at home!not for that meeting or the next one but for a few years,I call it my “walk about years”
We moved away form the family home that had been for many years in 1984 and I began to perhaps wonder that maybe what we were involved in since birth could make some sense,I also noticed that Dubs had undergone a transformation physically since the days of the old Kingdom Hall I remembered and these dull,old grey people, my sister’s friends all seemed hip and almost trendy, they had a great social scene,party’s were held every week and they started to show an interest in me, I started to show an interest in a young sister as well,to ever start dating and blending in well with my new found friends I would need to start having a study and make progress,so a study was started and I began attending The Wimbledon Congregation a suburb of London in the UK,it seemed that in no time I was an unbaptized publisher,giving talks and commenting at meetings all on the way to being baptized which happened in in 1987 I was 21 and very shortly I started to date the sister that took my eye back then,we married in 1990,we had a great courtship,very passionate and physical but marriage ended virtually all physical contact,it was doomed from day one,I was surprised that we lasted 5 years I never thought we’d make 1.
During the early part of 1991 I started thinking that perhaps all was not quiet right in the belief system that I had dedicated my life to, a set of doctrines never sat well with me, they included 1914/The Blood Issue/The Destruction and Murder of all non JW’s at Harmageddon/1935 etc, I kept my feelings secret but I was spending time in my local library found a lovely book written by Alan Rogerson on JW’s found a Christian Outreach centre close to me called Reach out Trust, I paid them a visit and was shown to their stockroom and purchased a selection of books, Ray Franz’ volumes,Carl Olaf Jonson and James Pentons works all proved invaluable reading and my mind was made up after a weekend of non stop reading,I also made contact with a couple of so called “apostates” locally a very vital source for all things “apostate” and very good friend was a former JW named Alan Tanucci,possibly the timeline now comes down to mid 1992 and I started making vocal my opinions of the findings that I had made , I was still active but had ceased book study attendance.
Naturally my friends and family reported my new findings and I was requested to attend a Judicial Committee after being visited by PO Ted Sallows and his sidekick John Morley, to be honest this rollercoaster of a period had resulted in an outcome that I was not expecting nor prepared for,I went along to the JC expecting a slap on the wrist not the outcome that came. The secret hearings took place over 2 weekends in the latter part of 1992, the committed consisted of The Chairman Mr Geoff Woodfield (a family friend and general decent man) Mr Rensford Ming (a guy of Jamaican origin a decant man generally quiet) and 2 ass’ of the proceedings Dave Churchill and Stan Rogers both company men who humiliated me/assassinated my character/were down right rude/and also insulted my wife,all elders with the exception of Woodfield were appointed from neighbouring congregations, needless to say after the 2 weekends of mentally exhausting questioning I was found guilty of the charge even though I expressed repentance and offered apologies to any who may have stumbled.By this stage as I walked to the car I was prepared to throw in the towel and take the punishment on the chin,but this is where the story gets a bit interesting, Geoff Woodfield follows me to the car,shakes my hand and offers his sincere support and I say “Geoff I’ve had enough of all this I’m going to take my punishment ” he says “No! you have to appeal” I say “are you sure?” he says “yeah you will beat this give me the appeal letter on Thursday but under no circumstances must elders Sallows and Morley see us”,I thought “odd” but whatever he says,I did as he requested and a date was set for the appeal the following weekend.During this time I was still meeting with “apostates” and kept up to date with as much apostate reading material I could get my hands on even driving to the appeal I had a Ray Franz book in my car.The appeal committee was made up of 3 decent men chaired by Ron Bicknell(a bloody decent man) and Peter Davey and Alan Neal both good men, during this hearing over a relatively short time I just lied, the prospect of my being disfellowshipped would have been dreadful for my family and my sister was to marry in a few months, there was tears and almost falling to my knees begging for repentance! and the appeal overturned the decision! I was walking out of there still a normal R&F to all those around me, Geoff Woodfield run after me and congratulated me on the decision the original elders who sat their in silence could not even look me in the eye, the fury on their stupid faces!
The final part of my JW life TBC in a few moments.
January 18, 2011 at 9:31 am (Edit)
a couple of typos if a Mod could rectify;
3rd line easliy insteas of “easel”
6th line JW before “kids”
7th line on insead of “om”
January 18, 2011 at 9:53 am (Edit)
I attended the memorial in 1993 and very sporadic meetings in the early part of 1993,one particular meeting was a CO visit the CO was Micheal Hodgson I thought his behaviour this night was particularly disgraceful as he cornered me and grilled me on weather I thought that The WTS was Gods chosen channel on Earth? I towed the party line with a politically correct answer,also previous CO Michal Purbrick had some forthright views on moi that perhaps he should have kept to himself. The memorial of 1993 was the last ever visit I made to a KH, I walked to the car that night and said “that’s my lot”,my marriage was also in the doghouse,1994 also saw me Dissasociated in absence by a devious trick played on me by the elders of my cong; Ted Sallows and John Morley who if they were real men would have requested to meet me face to face but could only resort to a premeditated phone call that caught me off guard,not that I was to bothered,CO Hodgson probably wanted me off of the cards. 1994 was my lowest point,it was a baking hot summer the World Cup was on in the USA and I wont go into details but I hit rock bottom, we separated in 1995,1994 may have been my lowest point but 1995 was to be my turning point,I moved to my own place had a career change and moved on with my life, a new circle of friends who liked me for what I was not a conditional friendship that JW’s can only do,this new group of friend showed me more love and support then anyone I had ever met in almost a life time as a JW,some of the very worst of human behavior I have ever seen has some from JW’s.
I hope this story makes sense and gives a good resume of my life that ended in 1994 and started again in 1995.
January 24, 2011 at 7:47 pm (Edit)
My name Is Clinton E. Fitzpatrick, I am 47 year’s old, and I am disfellowshiped.I was originally disfellowshiped. For smoking, and I still smoke though it hardly seems to matter now, it’s truthfully not the reason I’m disfellowshiped now. I was married to a woman I will always consider my only love (Although I will never accept her again as wife) in 1979. After a bad period in my life she divorced me at the urgings of an Elder in the congregation I was disfellowshiped in. that was in 1985. It was not a scriptural divorce, not on the grounds of adultery. Mr. Smith, an Elder in this same congregation, and also one of the Elder’s that disfellowshiped me, told her to divorce me. When I told her she was not free to divorce on the grounds of adultery, she said that Mr. Smith assured her it was acceptable as long as she understood she was not free to remarry. I took a job that required that I travel, hoping to get my life back on track, and win my wife and family back. My desire to be reinstated never waned, after a few months of working state wide as a welder, I began to long for my life back, I remembered my time in Jehovah’s organization as some of the best day’s of my life and was determined to repent and return, being disfellowshiped is an empty existence. I settled in Jefferson City Missouri. I did not immediately begin attending meeting’s because I lived far across town and I had no transportation to the meetings. I even had to barrow my mothers car just to visit my children, and so my visits with them were limited as a result of my circumstances, it was a very unhappy situation and was difficult to bare, but I felt I should endure it because with determination and hard work I would get my life back in order. However, I began to fear the worst after a conversation with my wife after a visit with my children; my wife informed me that she was seeing someone, another man, an elder from the Bourbon Missouri congregation, and a friend of Bud Smith, he had in fact been the one that had introduced them. I was shocked and reminded her she was not free to remarry and could not court another man, she explained that Bud Smith had decided that if they were not going out to dinner, then they weren’t dating, and if they weren’t dating well, that’s not courting, only having chaperoned visits at her house, and she then ask me to call her and let her know when she would be free to remarry. I have always considered this to be adultery, I felt so then and do still now, but I did eventually grant her request. Soon afterward she and this elder whom she never courted were married. More than anything I have ever wanted in my life I now determined to return to Jehovah and at least build my life back and have as much of a relationship with my children as possible so, I moved across town so I could be closer to the Kingdom Hall and began attending meetings regularly and cleaning my life up. After ten months I felt like I could approach the elders and request reinstatement, they said that they would talk to the elders from Crocker Missouri where I was disfellowshiped from and get back with me. At the next meeting I had with them, they were very up front about their dislike for me after what the elders in Crocker had to say about me, they never told me details, only that the elders had nothing good to say about me and although they could not stop me from attending meetings at the kingdom hall, getting reinstated would not likely happen soon and, even then it was going to be very difficult for me. This story now becomes bitter and sour, reason is twisted by the elders that disfellowshiped me and the man that married my wife. I did not know it at the time, nor would I have believed it possible at the time, but I now know that at this time that, Bud Smith, and Wayne Ward, the two elders from the Crocker Missouri congregation that disfellowshiped me, and Bob Alvey, an elder from the Bourbon Missouri congregation and the man that married my wife,( notice, I say my wife)were planning to hide my children from me in order to accuse me of abandoning my children and then illegally adopt them so as to prevent me from a father daughter relationship. When I began to sincerely seek reinstatement, it didn’t fit well with their plans, they were not happy to see me at the kingdom Hall as it interfered with their plans, so they began to discredit me, so as to make my efforts to be reinstated very difficult, after all if I were free to associate freely then how could anyone believe I had refused to have a relationship with my daughters as my presents at the meetings would disprove that. I myself would deny it. At any rate after being told by the Jefferson City Missouri congregation elders that I basically wasn’t welcome to return, my meeting attendance began to wane although I actually hungered to be among God’s people, that has never changed. At any rate, I did go to an assembly in the summer of 1988 to see if I could find my children because when my wife remarried I lost track of her and I wanted to see my children. I did see them and had a very good time, my ex-wife was also pleased to see me because she wanted me to have a relationship with my children, and they also missed me as much as I missed them. She introduced me to her new husband and, although I seethed with resentment I never acted in an untoward manner, I simply informed him that I wanted visitation with my daughter’s and that I wanted to start making child support payment’s directly to them because before they were married I made child support payment’s to the division of family services because my wife was on public assistance. He kept saying over and over that he would never do any thing to come between my children and me and, that it wasn’t necessary to pay child support to them on behalf of my children because they were my children and he would never do any thing to come between me and my children, over and over he kept saying this until I finally told him to his face, ” Sir, these are my children, and not paying to support them is not an option, it’s my right as their father” my ex-wife is a witness to this. So he agreed that it would be fine and gave me their phone number and address so I could call my children , make arrangement’s for visitation and pay support. I wish to mention at this time that my ex-wife is innocent, she kept saying “isn’t this great, he really means it, he doesn’t want you to pay child support” she too was deceived, her sincere belief that her new husband was not going to make trouble for me and my children made me feel like every thing was going to be fine for me and my children. That was on a Saturday, and would be the last time I would see my children for many years, the following Monday morning at 11:30 AM, I dialed the number that they gave me and tried to call my oldest daughter to tell that her I would be coming to see her soon and that she would be also coming to have visits with me at my new home. Mr. Alvey had early that morning changed the phone number in order to prevent me from talking to my children, I had a feeling of disbelief, and this isn’t happening sort of numb shock. I still didn’t believe that they were capable of kid nap, after all that is a very serious crime and also, these are Jehovah’s Witnesses and they would never commit a crime. I then began writing letter’s, Mr. Alvey retuned them, witting in his own hand, not at this address. In time I found this address after looking for it for about 5 month’s, it was a rural address so, was not as easy to find, but my older brother who was a postal worker at the time helped me find it, it was a brown and white trailer in a grove of trees and was empty, years later my oldest daughter mentioned to me that when they lived in this place that you couldn’t turn around without bumping into Bud Smith, Bob Alvey’s good buddy and partner in crime, also one of the elder’s that disfellowshiped me, and as my daughter put it was always right in the middle of my business.Mr. Smith was very involved in planning, excusing and looking for ways to present this as legitimate. At any rate, I found this place empty, and although I never gave up hope, I really didn’t know were to turn for help and I waited to hear something, anything about my children. I knew better than to ask the elder’s that disfellowshiped me because Bud Smith had actually told me at one time before my wife and I divorced that “I really shouldn’t have anything to do with you in any judicial matter’s because of my strong feelings for your wife” and after all, hadn’t he married my wife to a friend of his. So I waited, not knowing what else to do. Then, almost exactly a year later to the day I was getting my pay check from work as usual, I was surprised to find that my wage’s were being garnished, I went to the office to protest that I didn’t owe anyone any money, they informed me that the garnishment was coming from the State, I soon found out Bob Alvey’s reason for hiding my children from me. It was for the purpose of preventing me from having contact with and paying child support to my children so he could falsely claim that I had abandon them and claim right to adopt them according to the law. LIES! The state was garnishing my pay at work because my ex-wife had been on public assistance and the State has a policy of vigorously pursuing dead beat dad’s that won’t provide for their children. Because I was now financially devastated I was unable to pay an attorney to represent me in court, I did talk to one, and after telling my story he stated that this was kid nap and if I could prove this in court, all who were involved could get prison time.( This Attorny also informed me that I was also being accused of sexualy molesting my children. The Elders as well as my exwife knew in no uncertain term’s that this was, and is, a LIE. My oldest daughter told me this as well. The Attorny I spoke with told me it would cost me no less then $10’000 to defend myself. I had 30 days after application to adopt my children was submitted to respond. No Attorny I spoke to was welling to take my case without cash in advance,ie. $10’000. Because my wages were being garnished they considered payment from me to be high risk.} I can never explain in word’s the feeling’s of desperation, betrayal, rape, and fear, fear because I believed that if the elders involved were actually willing to risk jail time, then they were also willing to put Jehovah himself on trial. I was always willing to have these criminals thrown in jail, I have never been willing to fight against Jehovah, I believe they were trying to kill me by getting me to fight against Jehovah, in many ways they did kill me. I did ask the Attorney I spoke to if there was anything I could to stop this, he suggested that if I could find an address and send a certified letter to my children, then that would constitute contact and would stop adoption proceedings, I went to the only source I knew would know how to contact them, the elders in Crocker. I went to a meeting and approached Wayne Ward, one of the elders that had disfellowshiped me and told him I needed to get in touch with my ex-wife and her husband, could he please give me their address? He looked at me and stated that “they don’t want you to know Where they are.” turn round and walked away, I expected that from them because I knew they had been involved from the beginning, however I went to the next meeting at the Kingdom Hall hoping that this nightmare would end, and at once Wayne Ward approached me with a slip of paper with a phone number on it, he told me that it was my ex-wife’s phone number and told me it was very important to call,” make sure you call, it’s very important that you call this number Clint!” I thought the nightmare was finally over, we’ve changed our mind’s and we are not going to cause you further grief, so, I called the number and Bob Alvey answered and immediately began to rail threat’s against me with much profanity and stated that he had a friend that was a lawyer and he was telling him everything he needed to do to make this look legal, and if I showed up in court he’d tear me a new one. I pleaded with him and ask him why he was breaking his promise to me not to cause harm to me or my children, he responded, “it’s for the best”. The attorney I spoke with told me beforehand not to go into court without representation because that could cause permanent damage to my case saying it would be better to go back later even if I had to wait awhile then to go in by myself, so I had no intention of going in alone. The garnishments from my pay check cost me my home, my car, and $18,600 dollars that was illegally taken from me over a period of three year’s based on these false accusation. However, the actions of these wicked men cost me my religion, my relationship with God, I felt for a long time afterward that God must hate me, it would be years before I would go into a Kingdom Hall, and later, when I made another attempt to get reinstated I found that I could not forgive them, which made me feel bad, I later moved back to the area of this congregation and would go in and just set, quite and respectfully, waiting for an apology that would never come. I have finally come to the conclusion that they truly are not sorry. I am no longer willing to forgive them; to be sure, what they have taken could never be repaid. This was not done because I was a bad father; I never abused my children in any way. I know my children’s birth records have been altered and now have the name of a criminal as the birth father, LIES, SLANDER, PURJURY, I am willing to do what ever I must to be reinstated but, that would also mean that I would have to ask the men who raped me to forgive me, reinstate me because they were the ones that had originally disfellowshiped me, however, I ask myself, if they can condone this, excuse themselves for something they would disfellowshiped others for, what next are they capable of excusing? I can almost hear them in my mind saying, hey that gross sinner we cast out is trying to repent, let’s take his kid’s. These men are a danger to the entire world wide association of Jehovah’s people as I would have been well within my right’s as a father to challenge them in a court of law for the entire world to examine. (1 Cor 6; 1-9) As I stated at the beginning of this letter, I was disfellowshiped for smoking, now you know why I remain out side Jehovah’s organization. I could quit smoking, but what is the point, it’s not nearly as bad as what they practice. Or dose it surprise you that my sense of justice is somewhat slanted? I still hunger to return to my God. That has never changed, it is obvious what part Mr. Alvey had in all of this; Mr. Smith married my wife to a friend of his, and then helped to plan this crime, or at least made it possible for my ex wife and the man she married, to present this before the congregations, as acceptable, legitimate. Mr. Ward showed his support by preventing me from contacting my children and also acted as a messenger and also warned them as to my intentions to be with what was rightfully mine, my children. To be sure, these so called Elders are to reason my ex-wife and the apostate she commit’s adultry with have never repented, why should they, whats going to happen, get disfellowshipped by the very men that pratice this crime with them. Not likely. If it is Jehovah that has incited you against me, let him smell a grain offering. But if it is the sons of man, they are cursed before Jehovah, because they have driven me out today from feeling myself attached to the inheritance of Jehovah, saying,” Go, serve other gods.” (1 Samuel 26; 19.) In our legal system, if you help in a crime to the extent that your aid causes the crime to succeed, then you’re considered just as guilty as if you had actually committed the crime yourself. When my daughter Amanda finaly started telling things about what lead them to committ these crimes, she told me that at our last father daughter visit that my brother had unknown to me, exsposed mself to my daughter’s when I was out of sight. She told me she told her mother about it when she got home and that her mother never wanted me to see my childern again. She also told me that the Elders, her mother and all person’s involved knew I was innocent, it just severed they’re purpose to shift the blame to me. They also told this lie to the judicial commitee in Jefferson City, I remember going into that meeting almost floating with joy thinking I was going to be reinstated finally after all this long time. The Elders didn’t even bother the open with prayer, after all they weren’t their to reinstate me .When we sat down and began, one Elder sat their glareing at me, actually gnashing his teeth at me. I was told I had a lot of nerve showing my face in any Kingdom hall, and did I really want them to discuss the things that I do with them? They then told me ” We cain’t stop you from comeing to meetings, but we don’t reinstate people like you, now please leave” I can never explain how I felt, absoluty stunned is not descriptive enough, but I did feel as if I had actually been physiclly punched in the stomach, I walked out almost drunk with disbeleif.The stance the Elders now take is “well it was a mistake, and we all make mistakes.” to qoute Wayne Ward anyway. I have also learned that Bud Smith has been removed from my judicial commitee for the part he played in this, Mr. Ward however refuse’s to step down because after all it was just a mistake. Do these things sound like a mistake to you, or dose it all seem well thought out and practiced? If it was a mistake, then how dose that excuse them from repenting? I have never once heard them say we’re sorry” and I never will. In simple terms, they simply are not sorry. They then begin to outline what they want from me in order to get reinsated. Incridible, absolutly unbelieveable arrogance. I once told Mr, Don Kent in Lebonan that I really needed justice from these men, he told me to stop makeing trouble because it was a long time ago. How unloving a statement for a christian to make. In my eyes it was last night when I went to sleep, it happened again when I woke this morning, you see, they have my grandchildern now. This one dose not go away, it grows from generation to generation. I have on more then one occasion had people I knew in they Kingdom Hall gnash they’re teeth, stomp they’re feet and march off in a huff when they saw me. Wasn’t a long time ago, it’s every time they see me. Odd behavior from people that preach love and justice don’t you think. The worst part is that no one will listen to me, no one will help me, it’s going on 25 years now and I’m still disfellowshipped, treated like an apostate by the very men who know I’m innocent. Consider this, If all I ever wanted was to get reinstated, then I’d be a genuinly evil person to make up such lie’s and tell such a horrible untruth, also I would be qiuckly found out as a lier so It would be madness to fabricate such tails, the truth is, Mr. Ward will never reinstate me as long as I insist on justice, and I absolutly refuse to allow them to continue this slander by reinstating me while everyone in the kingdom hall is convinced that I had to have my childern removed because I abused them. Could you in any way recieve spritual nurishment and at the same time suffer such terible slander? You know as well as I that no man could, or should be expected to. Why will no one who preaches justice stand up for me and expell these men? After 25 year’s, I’ve began to lose hope.thanks anyway. Read 2’nd peter chapter 2.
Today is 10/19/10, These are my final thoughts; When It first became known to me what these ministers of righteousness where doing and the extents of which they where willing to go, shocked disbelief isn’t an adequate enough term, but it will have to do. I remember being completely stumbled, no longer studying the scriptures, I stopped praying to Jehovah for years over this. I believed that because of the involvement of the Elders that this was also from Jehovah, that somehow i deserved this because it was from God himself, and although I racked my brain for some explanation of my guilt ( and I did feel guilty ) I could think of no reason for the actions of these men. My second attempt to be reinstated was in Columbia MO, the Elders there where unaware of the cicumstances which I describe in my journal, I didn’t want to bring it up, I just wanted to be reinstated and get on with my life. Up until that time I was willing to forgive them if they would just leave me alone. The Elders in Columbia told me it was time for me to be reinstated and ask me to write a letter requesting reinstatement, it was like writing a lie, asking them for forgiveness and reistaetment was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. After a month, the Elders said they needed to meet with me. Once again I was hopeful, believeing I was to be reinstated. They then told me that the Crocker MO, Elders had contatcted them regarding my request and informed them that under no cicumstance was I going to be reinstated, the Elders in Columbia where completely perplexed and apologized to me over and over, they told me that they had tried reasoning with the Crocker Elders for awhile before they gave up and decided to tell me this bad news, they told me the wicked Crocker Elders gave no explanation when ask what their reasoning for this was, just flat out no. Of course, I know exactly why they did this, fear of exposure and nothing more. Pretty ironic to me that these men anointed champions of justice and truth are afraid that I’ll tell my side of the story. So, by way of explanation, I want pepole to know my side of the story. First of all, I am in no way willing to forgive anyone involved in this terrible crime. Not now, nor in the next system to come. John; 20, vs 23. It is now known to me that it is impossible to move them to repent, therefore, the possibility of forgiveness simply doesn’t exsist. Secondly, let it be known that my reason for not takeing Gods self anointed to court and haveing them imprisoned is only partially due to the fact that I didn’t have $10,000, I had a meeting with an attorny I was trying to hire, when he told me that will be $10,000 please, and thats just to defend myself against the false charge of child sexual abuse, I’d also need additional money for the charge of child abandoment and, to challenge this imposters application to addopt my childern. $15’000 to $20’000 in expenses is what I was told to expect. When I told this man that there was no way I could come up with that kind of money in time to stop the addoption of my children by this imposter, I ask him what could I do to stop this. His reply was that there was nothing to stop this, it’s going to happen, the Judge has an obligation to investigate any alligations of sexual abuse involving children, however, he told me to file a missing persons report, then wait, even If I went back 20-30 years after this, I could still have everyone involved thrown into prison for decades. My biggest reason for not doing this is because I am a worshiper of Jehovah. The Elders involved bore Jehovahs name, claiming to represent him, my heart told me this was dangerous ground. Exposeing this slanderous crime that involved representatives of the true God Jehovah was more then I was willing to do. I remember seaching the scriptures, looking for a way out there, but, like I’ve said, so deeply was I stumbled by this that the scriptures where no longer a sorce of light to me. However, I kept come to the experience and example of David in 1 Samuel chapter 24 and, again in chapter 26 when David had King Saul right in front of him, when all David had to do is thrust out his spear and his natural need for justice would be satisfied. David instead thought first of the damage this would do to Jehovahs name. Saul deserved death, didn’t Jehovah himself exicute him?
The example of David spoke to me, this wasn’t just about my need for justice, these men involed Jehovah himself in a campaing of slander, kidnap, and swearing out false testimonies, and in simple terms I was simply unwilling to be a party to such blasphemy. Also, I had began reading the book of Lamentaions, I really feel Jehovah lead me there because It most certainly is not one of my favorite books in the Bible, the last thing you’d find me doing is reading from that book, yet I kept going there for some reason till finally I came across Lamentaions chapter 3, vs 24-26 which states:
24 “Jehovah is my share,” my soul has said, “that is why I shall show a waiting attitude for him.”
25 Good is Jehovah to the one hoping in him, to the soul that keeps seeking for him.
26 Good it is that one should wait, even silently, for the salvation of Jehovah
And thats what I’ve been doing for twenty three years, waiting. The day when I recieve justice will be a very happy day for me, however, in the mean time I can honestly say that the feelings I have described I felt when this crime first began to be practiced are just as fresh and unbelieveable now as they where the day this was done, even more so since they now have my grandchildren, you can add to this emotion a feeling of complete disgust, revulsion even if you will, that they are able to live with themselves, bow their heads and ask for Jehovahs grace and direction,and lead the congregation in songs to Jehovah while at the same time block any attempt on my part to asocciate with worshippers of Jehovah is to me a sickening disgusting form of whorship. The truth of the matter is even more disgusting and, it’s this. These men involved in this gained their authority not from Jehovah god, but rather from men, men whose claim it is that they have been examined and found faithful and true, men whose claim it is that all that is the masters has been appointed to them with all due authority and have told these Elders that they themselves are more then shepards, that they are in fact Princes of Righteouness and their word is law. They’ve actually said as much outright saying ” our opinion is Gods opinion, and if we discover a situation, even in personal matters that are none of our business, yet we find out about it and form an opinion and you disagree with us, you will be disfellowshiped for apostasy.” I know a woman who is disfellowshiped for exactly that, she disagreed with their opinion in a personal matter and was told this. They’ve destroyed me spitually, pysologicly, emotionally and, financially, destroyed my relationship with my children and their children and, all because of authority they recieved from ” the faithful and descreet slave.” It is my prayer ( among other things ) that when Revelation chapter 11 finally truely is fullfilled and the Temple sacntuary of God and the alter and those worshiping in it is measured, that I be allowed to be a witness to this and recieve justice at that time. May Jehovahs will take place and not mine. I simply have no mercy for those who are without mercy.
January 26, 2011 at 6:14 am (Edit)
It is nice hear your story Clinton. Many of God’s servants of the past have cried out for justice. I can see you have had a difficult road as well. Justice is not something we can always expect in this system of things. You can be assured that eventually God will correct all injustices.
My prayers are with you
January 26, 2011 at 2:53 pm (Edit)
To be fair, as well as honest, it’s only and always these two specific elders that i’v mentioned being involded in this that are always in some way involded in some way or another in stumbling others. I’m not the only person from that congregation thats suffered because of these men. My own case is just more extreme, but from what others have told me, not by much. One such person, another elder in fact told me they did almost the same thing to him, they just did’nt involve his kids. He told me he too witnessed these same men lie to a judcial commeetie. Otherwise, out of seven elders in this congregation, only these two men seem capable of such conduct, all other elders i’ve known I would have to say were as close to being actualy righteous people, as much as one can be in this system of things.
January 29, 2011 at 3:17 pm (Edit)
MY STORY TODAY,
IM FEELING LOST AT THE MOMENT,I GO THROUGH THIS STRUGGLE ONCE IN A WILE, I FEEL ALONE IN MY SEARCH AS I HAVE NO FREINDS AROUND ME NO MEETING TO GO TO NO HELP ONLY MY OWN STUDYS AND COMING ON SITES LIKE THIS AND BIBLE STUDENTS FOR SOME KIND OF HELP,IM FINDING IT DIFICULT TO LEARN AND WISH I HAD SOME SUPORT AT HAND IN THE FLESH TO HELP ME,I WANT SO MUCH FOR A GROUP TO BE NEAR BY THAT I COULD GO TO BUT THERE ISNT,IV BEEN READING THE BIBLE TODAY AND I FEEL IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH I NEED TO TRY HARDER, I FEEL LAZY LIKE IM NOT DOING WHAT I SHOULD I EVEN SAID SOMETHING NOT VERY NICE TODAY AND IT MADE ME FEEL BAD ALL DAY,I STILL NEED GUIDENCE IN THE SCRIPTURS I FEEL SOMETIMES THAT I WAS WRONG TO LEAVE THE JWS BUT ONLY COS I FEEL LOST I KNOW THAT THERES THINGS GOING ON THAT I DONT AGREE WITH BUT DOES THAT MEAN I SHOULD HAVE LEFT?I SAW A BRO TODAY IN THE COFFEE SHOP AND HE LOOKED AT ME THEN WALKED PAST,IM A STRANGER NOW AN APOSTATE,IT HAPPEND THE OTHERDAY ALSO WITH A SIS, ITS A BAD FEELING TO BE MADE TO FEEL NO GOOD LIKE UR NO GOOD NOT GODLY,THEN I START TO PLAY TO THERE WAYS AND GO HOME THINKING THEY ARE RIGHT IM NOT GOD FEARING BUT THEY ARE IM NO GOOD,THEN I NEED TO GIVE MYSELF A HELLO CALL AND SORT MY HEAD OUT AND REMEMBER WHY I LEFT.THIS IS VERY HARD FOR ME,I HOPE IM NOT THE ONE THE BIBLE SAYS THAT IN THE END ITS NOW WORSE FOR ME COS I NEW AND I LEFT IT IT WAS RIGHT AND I TURNED MY BACK ON IT SO NOW ITS WORSE FOR ME THAN IT WAS BEFOR I EVEN BEGAN TO LEARN ABOUT GOD,