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Asking for advice and feedback after leaving a controlling religion is normal- and healthy!

Former Jehovah’s Witnesses- Are you asking Questions? Do you need advice?

When we leave a controlling group we go through a process of self-discovery and enlightenment. It takes time. We move forward with our lives and establish our own belief system, new paradigms, and traditions in our own way.

Folks contact me asking for advice fairly often. Many want to vent and tell their story and that is a healthy thing to do. First off, there is nothing wrong with asking for advice or ideas or seeking a listening ear! It can be very therapeutic and if you feel like contacting me or any of the other great folks in the exJW community you should not be afraid or hesitate.

That said, sometimes when questions or advice is asked, and I receive a message, the person really wants affirmation and/or confirmation of what they are already doing. That is how the mind works. The emotional state that we find ourselves in after leaving the rigid structure of a fundamentalist group or cult like the Jehovah’s Witnesses or Scientology or Mormonism, etc. can be quite a difficult place to be.

The following video contains some simple ruminations on this topic- I hope it helps. If you wish to contact me, do so! Please use my email address at: JWStruggle@gmail.com. Reach out to those people that are positive and accessible in your life- this is how we heal and make new friends.

 

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29 Comments on Former Jehovah’s Witnesses- Are you asking Questions? Do you need advice?

  1. Frank says:

    One of the many fears people face after years and years of mental manipulation is that of ‘what if I’m wrong’? ‘My eternal destruction or bliss is at stake’ etc.

    As an agnostic I hope there is something to look forward to; for this I still hold out hope, but the scientific ‘Occam’s Razor’ reality is that NOTHING in the universe survives universal entropy.

    It may be cold comfort, but this should encourage us to seize the day and enjoy what we have; not what we THINK we don’t have. In other words, live in the present, not in a future that could be a reality or not. And…think things through rather than be trapped by the paradigms of other humans who have knowledge no better than yours nor mine.

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  2. brandnew says:

    Hey frank, nice to be here, ….just got disfellowshipped, and the tons of bricks fell off my shoulders as i walked out of the door..
    Much support on this site….love it…

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  3. Frank says:

    Seize the day, Brandnew!

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  4. brandnew says:

    Lettin my goatee grow as we chat my new friend, i think all my new friends will like my new look, and attitude.

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  5. Frank says:

    Cool. That’s what I did too. They didn’t understand the freethinking.

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  6. brandnew says:

    The truth is…its great. A grown person should make grown person decisions for himself, and not leave it up to others to do it for him, or her.

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  7. brandnew says:

    SEIZE THE DAY, ! ! ! !

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  8. Alicia says:

    Hi there, i spoke with you before over email, sadly i lost your email addreas. I am interested in the reality rv show video you posted a few months ago. Could you please contact me. Much thanks

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  9. judd nelson says:

    I wasthinking of my childhood and where and how i came to be who i am today i was born into the jehovahs witness organization my father was an elder my mother a pioneer of many years i was raised with no television no modern music and very quite poor everything was pagan i was baptiized at twelve by my father but at 12 my father left my mother left the religion as so did my brothers i soon left at 15 i had made a “mans” decision so i could leave and be a man in doing so i dropped out of high school my freshmen year and slept on friends couches sometimes parks or if was winter i would walk all night and then sneak into stores in day to sleep that way i wouldnt freeze to death kept my blood going subsequently i then became a drug abuser like no other meth herione cocaine ….and many others i at one point was sleeping in a park i had two shirts and one pair of pants i would switch my shirt to look like i had a larger wardrobe i was had only one friend he left the organization as well but all other family and friends were not there of course i soon eventually at 17 i was took in by my oldest brother who denied yhe organization from the start he had went to college and was finishing his masters i got my ged and went to college being seventeen in college with the ubringing i had i was socially fucked i soon returned back to work i then joined oilfeild and have remained ever since this was a chapter in my life fifteen years thst molded me im still a very god fearing man but have come to have my own relationship with him. I have thoughts and sayings that come to me. Money is the root of all evil most only see a beautiful flower never giving thought to the roots below. This is one i am glad i found this group my friend the one who left with me many years ago my best friend just died a week ago helping an old man change a tire on the interstate the old did not see it because timothy randall had told him to sit in the car because it was cold he is with god an died a true good Samaritan in performing an act of kindness thank you for letting me tell you a sliver of my life with you god is wonderful and would never judge someone and never condone a religion that judges others

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  10. C M says:

    I just gotta say that ever since i faded from the religion I have been much happier. I was drinking alot, taking anti depressants and eating alot. I am not drinking anymore, off of my meds and 130lbs lighter and much happier. i think all guys grow a goatee when we first leave but my gf likes it when I am clean shaven so I bounce here and there I like the feeling of not having to look over my shoulder. I find it funny when hypocritical JW’s avoid me though I was never DFD or reproved and they have been and get all “holier than though”. I also feel loved when those few sincere JW’s come to me and say hi and don’t ask stupid questions. All in all for those of us who have to leave in whatever manner/way for our own good it’s the best thing to do and for those of us who have to “stay in” for whatever reason, i wish you the best. We all think differently and have our own thoughts about religion, jesus/god/bible/creation/evolution etc. I like finding common ground with people and openly debating things and have learned quite a few new things in my time out. Best of luck to all those who have recently awakened to TTATT in whatever decision you take from this day forward.

    CM

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    • Frank says:

      Hi CM. I must admit, beyond the novelty of not wasting any more time at meetings, I cannot say I’ve EVER missed the ‘lifestyle’!

      The only true thing one one can say about the ‘truth’ is as Peter Cook once said, “There’s not enough to feed the mind!” There is an intellectually-nourishing world out there, seize the day!

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      • CM says:

        I agree with you…I don’t miss it at all. I like having weeknights to myself to go to the gym, rest, etc. And my weekends back to do whatever I want even just lay around and do nothing. I do wish that more people, not just JW’s would be more open minded in discovering what is out there and learn about science history and world religions and only then can they be convinced that they are doing truly makes them happy and feel true to themselves.

        C M

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  11. brandnew says:

    Kingdom hall daydreaming…..please tell me im not the only one, who while listening to the bwa bwa bwa bwa, discource had these? Scenario: terrorists enter the kingdom hall , its all up to you….CAPTAIN SAVE THE HALL, …..ha ha ha…….
    Weird part now, is that im trying to save the rest of my family, from that SAME hall….

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  12. danielB says:

    Yes , “Myriads on Myriads of Brothers” exist here and there all over the place ! Not just at their meetings . .

    Those “kingdom songs” are mainly on a rather low level of spirituality . And the rhetoric from the talks and parts “on stage” aren’t any better . . . no matter how much exquisite speech is being performed .

    I am sure looking forward to seeing more and more brothers and sisters escape that portion of that big tree of Western Religion ! Mr 4:30-32

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  13. Wakeupwitness says:

    My wife and I did “the fade” and never looked back. It’s healthy to speak with other ex-JWs who may have had similar experiences. I feel sorry for those that “wake up” and their mate/spouse does not. An excellent means of therapy is creating a YouTube channel and talking about your life as a JW. I use to have a YouTube channel called “wakeupwitness” years ago and I vented about certain thing. I closed that account and started a new one “jwnomo”, short for JW no more.

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  14. ExJW says:

    Does anyone know about the watchtower taking over QSC Telecom.? I just barely found out about this.

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  15. chrissy qu says:

    They really do ruin peoples lives . They crushed mine because of their hypocrisy and NOT following the bible for plessure. They surley do not do what they preach.

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  16. Patrick says:

    “The Fade” haha will never tire of hearing that

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  17. Linda says:

    Hi, I am an x jw of 15 years..I enjoy talking with others and helping some who need advice. How can I advise someone who is df’d , thinking of reinstatement so as not to lose her family & then eventually just fading away.? this person is married to a jw man & parents and siblings are jw also.

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  18. frankie fernandez says:

    Frank:
    One of the many fears people face after years and years of mental manipulation is that of ‘what if I’m wrong’? ‘My eternal destruction or bliss is at stake’ etc.

    As an agnostic I hope there is something to look forward to; for this I still hold out hope, but the scientific ‘Occam’s Razor’ reality is that NOTHING in the universe survives universal entropy.

    It may be cold comfort, but this should encourage us to seize the day and enjoy what we have; not what we THINK we don’t have. In other words, live in the present, not in a future that could be a reality or not. And…think things through rather than be trapped by the paradigms of other humans who have knowledge no better than yours nor mine.

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  19. frankie fernandez says:

    dear Eric: I grew a goatee like yours. But it had too many grey hairs. It did not look no way near as good as yours, so I shaved it off. But when it comes to being handsome, I still give you stiff compitition. Thank you for all that you have done for all of us. I am sure that I speak for all stugglers that we can’t thank you enough.To every one who is struggling.Each and every one of you has great mental, spiritual and emotional powers that our Grand Creater has given us. You must have an iron will, nerves of steel, balanced with a heart gold. You must see yourselves as survivers ,not as strugglers. Never forget that the LORD loves you and we love you too. p.s. Eric next time I hit the numbers I’ll send you some mean green to support the cause. I’m living right now, on bread and water. Because I ran out of food stamps (ebt). ha ha ha, This is a joke. Remember what the Scriptures say that the LORD is a happy God.

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  20. Stephan Miles says:

    i am a former “born into” witness.i have serious anxiety and depression along with a serious confusion of which way to go spiritually and am still horribly intimidated by the witnesses even after 33 years out! where can I find an outlet to tell my story?

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  21. G G says:

    I Believe the Answers are always Simple.
    Jesus gave simple answers.
    MT 6:24 “No one can slave for two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other,or he will stick to the one and despise the other.
    MT 10:37 He that has greater affection for father or mother than for me is not worthy of me; and he that has greater affection for son or daughter than for me is not worthy of me.
    Simple JW are IN LOVE with the “Faithful Slave” (only mentioned once in the bible)
    They Invoke “The Slave” more than JESUS. Keep quiet and JUST LISTEN. From the abundance of the heart speaks the mouth says Jesus.

    When YOU ARE IN LOVE you do not want to hear anything bad.

    JW’s think they have a Direct line to Jehovah and forget that NOBODY goes to the Father unless Jesus takes them.
    The Answer is Simple. JW’s will wake up when they fall in love with Jesus! Nothing more nothing less

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  22. Shawn says:

    thisus the most self centered victim crap I’ve ever heard. I’m disfellowshipped and have been for the last 16 years. I’m over that. It’s time to move on folks!

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  23. Abbi Cabret says:

    I was born into a family of Jehovah’s Witnesses and was once a very studious young member myself. However. the more I learned about the world around me from people who were not JWs, the more I knew that something wasn’t right. I felt awful for betraying everything I’ve known since infancy. By the time I was baptized at 18 I knew that there was enough doubt in my heart to make the commitment insincere, but I carried on for the sake of my family’s reputation.Now I am a young adult and I have completely detached myself from the religion, I no longer attend the meetings but I cant bring myself to tell my parents. It’s such a heavy secret to carry. i’m glad I was able to share this.

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  24. sandy says:

    Hi, I just stumbled on your you tube video with Issac. I am so glad to know that there are real men like you guys who are supporting those leaving or who have left. I am disfellowshipped and I left. There were NO SUPPORT for us who pulled the life support system from out of our necks of this Matrix. I am here in Riverside and would like to know about the west coast meetups. I did not leave to get into drugs or to experience a wild life. I was getting so depressed from the pioneering, overgiving, major negativity this religion brings onto people and the constant meetings to keep you hemmed in and stay hemmed in!!!! I look forward to a reply. Looking forward to some REAL friends. Those who have common sense morals and have a foundation for truth as this world looses more of itself into oblivion.

    All My Best,

    Sandy

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  25. Peace & Love says:

    I am new on here I was disfellowshipped about 10 years ago and I came back out of guilt while I was losing my Mom to cancer. I wrote my letter of dissociation about 2 years ago. This is a constant struggle. My depression comes and goes. My family has all disowned me with the exception of one sibling who left at 18, I really need to be able to talk to others who have these feelings. I was married to an abusive elder for many years. I was a 5th generation JW. I need help in staying strong. Are there any group meetings in the San Francisco Peninsula area? Please let me know I’m really having pain in my heart. I have lost my children to their JW father and all of my lifelong friends. I so appreciate any support I can get.

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