Many of us have mates that are not awake to the flaws and inconsistencies that we have discovered. They may refuse to even listen to what we have to say and it can hurt our feelings greatly.  This varies in degree from marriage to marriage, but the primary thing for us to remember is this:  Be as patient and loving with your wife or husband as you possibly can! They may need much time to absorb the shock of hearing these new truths that they have been indoctrinated to reject as “apostate”.  If you have shared your doubts or outright disagreement with some of the unscriptural teachings  of the Watchtower Society they may be greatly troubled and hurt by it. The fear of losing you, the belief that you will die at Armageddon is real to them. Also the disgrace among their peers, the breakup of the family, etc. are legitimate reasons for them to be mad and fearful. To help us be empathetic, think of it this way- suppose that your spouse came home with a book written by a terrorist organization.  You may even see them reading the book. Then over the next few weeks they begin to dress differently, perhaps just as these type of people who wrote the book do.  How would you feel? Would it bother you? Could it make you scared and uncomfortable to be around them? Of course! This is exactly how your husband or wife may feel about you. You might not have done a single thing to warrant this treatment, but nonetheless it does not invalidate or change their feelings. Jesus said “wisdom is proved righteous by it’s works”. (Matthew 11:19) Many insults and accusations were hurled against Him, and this is what can happen when tempers rise. Here’s the full scripture:

.

The Son of man did come eating and drinking, still people say, ‘Look! A man gluttonous and given to drinking wine, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.’ All the same, wisdom is proved righteous by its works. (Matthew 11:19)

.

If we work hard to be a good mate they will see this. Try not to go off half-cocked but think through each decision and each conversation you have with them. They may even “be won without a word” through our calm Christian conduct through this crisis.  (1 Peter 3:1) It may take time, but we shouldn’t give up on them, because we wouldn’t want them to give up on us! Some positive advice on this is in the 2007 Watchtower:

.

Husbands who exercise a humble attitude like that of Jesus will likely have the cooperation and support of their wives. But patience is needed. Later that very Passover night, the apostles argued again regarding which one of them seemed to be the greatest. (Luke 22:24) Changes in attitudes and conduct often take time and are gradual. Yet, how rewarding when positive results are realized, as they were among the apostles! (w07 2/15 p. 17 par. 20)

.

After doing some digging I found an article that is even more specific to our plight. Below is the good advice given almost one hundred and twenty years ago in the Watchtower Magazine:

.

If  an  unwise  course in  the  past  has  overwhelmed  the  wife  with  family  cares  too numerous  for  her  to  bear  with  easy  grace,  see  that  no  more are  added;  but  instead,  “put  your  shoulder  to  the  wheel” and  help  her  with  them  as  much  as  possible. What  if  tending the  babies  and  washing  the  dishes  is  woman’s  work!  if  she has  too  much  of  it  to  admit  of  an  hour’s  leisure  with you or  with  the  Lord  or  with  the  study  of  his  truth  for  herself– or if  under  the  pressure  of  constant  duties,  she  has  lost all  relish  for  intellectual  culture,  and  much  of  her  faith  in spiritual  realities– it  will  do  you  good  to  share  these  tasks with  her,  until  you  have  tied  the  last  knot  of  the  day’s  duties, and  ran  then  sit  down  together  to  study  the  truth. As  gradually  she  comes  to  realize  your  love  and  interest she  will  have  the  more  respect  for  you  and  for  the  doctrines whose  fruit  she  sees  exemplified  in  your  daily  life.  At  first, if  this  is  a  new  thing,  she may  regard  it  as  only  a  little  unusual  freak;  but,  by  and  by,  constancy  will  increase  confidence,  and  a  responsive  chord  will  be  found  in  her  heart;  and the  soil.  thus carefully  plowed  and  prepared,  will  be  mellow and  ready  for  the  seeds of  truth,  and  you  and  she  and  the home  will  be  blessed.  Try it brethren…

As  the  head  of  the  domestic  arrangement  it  is  the  duty  of the  Christian  husband  to  say,  “As  for  me  and  my  house  [as far  as  lies  in  the  power  of  my  influence],  we  will  serve  the Lord.”  And  the  Christian  wife, recognizing  this  responsibility on  his  part,  will  gladly  co-operate.  In so  far  as  she  can  conscientiously  do  so; and  will  put  no  stumbling  block  in  his  way,  although  she  may  view  his  methods  differently.  She may carefully endeavor to convince him of the truth.  But  she  may not  interfere  with  his  conscience  or  his  responsibility  to  God.  Nor  should  the  husband’s  course  with  the  wife  be  arbitrary and  unreasoning.  He should not disregard her conscience to hinder  the  full  and  free  exercise  of  all  her  talents  in  God’s service;  but  should  grant  her  as  great  latitude  in  the  use  of the  home  as  his  conscience  and  responsibility as  the  head  of the  family  will  permit;  for  they  are  “heirs together  of  the grace  of  life.”  If  he  sees  differently  he  should  bring  forth  his strong  reasons  for  her  consideration  and  possible  approval, and  patiently  hear  her  different  views,  in  hope  of  final  harmony. But if harmony cannot be reached the  responsibility for  the  home  and  its  influence  rests  with  the  husband  who, by  divine  appointment,  is  its  head. —  Watchtower 1893, page 1555

.

You will notice this last paragraph especially- it was written back when freedom of thought was still allowed within the pages of the Watchtower. What a balanced way to put it, despite the old-fashioned wording. Could you share this article with your mate? You are only quoting from the Watchtower and nothing else. Try it if you can, and hopefully it will help.

.

.

NOTE: Click here for graphic of the original article.
Rating 4.71 out of 5
[?]

Tags: , ,

13 Comments on Good Advice for the Marriage

  1. Rorshach says:

    Those old watchtowers have a lot of great stuff in them, although sometimes the lingo is hard to understand

      (Quote)

  2. greybeard says:

    Good job JJ! Your web site is always very informative and helpful. I am sure these articles will help people for years to come.

    Your brother,
    Greybeard

      (Quote)

  3. andrew says:

    Thanks for stressing patience JJ. Some have tried to forcefully to confront their marriage mates with what they have found and only weakened considerably their marriage.
    Its strange that sometimes the friends even consider old Watchtower literature as semi-apostate. I remember when a few Witnesses began reading some old books and Watchtowers at the KH library, a special pioneer said “I don’t think we should be doing this, it could be dangerous.” As if she were afraid of finding out something.

      (Quote)

  4. LonelySheep says:

    Hello JJ,

    A big thanks for your continued efforts in sharing your Christian journey. A well thought out article. Thank you.

      (Quote)

  5. Papabear says:

    Hello to all. I have recently been told about this site. It is wonderful, and thank you. I have, over the last couple of days, read every post since early February. There is a lot of great information. I am an active witness starting to attempt the process of fading. My biggest holdup is my wife. I am trying desperately to show here the truths that I have seen. I want to thank all of you for the informative material in these blogs. JJ, this post really helps me to be patient in trying to show my wife what I have seen. Sometimes I feel like I am making great progress and other times it feels like I have gotten nowhere. I know this will be the case, perhaps for a long time to come. But I will push on. I can’t wait to discuss more in the future with all of you.

      (Quote)

    • andrew says:

      Welcome Papabear,
      I’m in the same boat with my wife as you are, nice to have you around.

        (Quote)

    • Dennis says:

      Papabear:
      Hello to all. I have recently been told about this site. It is wonderful, and thank you. I have, over the last couple of days, read every post since early February. There is a lot of great information. I am an active witness starting to attempt the process of fading. My biggest holdup is my wife. I am trying desperately to show here the truths that I have seen. I want to thank all of you for the informative material in these blogs. JJ, this post really helps me to be patient in trying to show my wife what I have seen. Sometimes I feel like I am making great progress and other times it feels like I have gotten nowhere. I know this will be the case, perhaps for a long time to come. But I will push on. I can’t wait to discuss more in the future with all of you.

      Welcome Papabear. Glad to have you here! Looking forward to fellowshipping with you.

      Dennis

        (Quote)

  6. JJ says:

    Papabear

    You are very welcome here brother- I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts and background as time goes on. I feel it is critical that we stick together, as we are a minority in a minority, sometimes with our backs to the wall. If you can, please IM me through the site or email me at jwstruggle(àt)gmail(dot)com. You are in my prayers- as soon as I finish this comment I will say one.

      (Quote)

  7. serein says:

    I WAS THE ONE AT FIRST WHO STARTED TO TELL MY HUSBAND THINGS AND I STARTED TO SWAY HIM BUT THEN WHEN I DID FOR SOME REASON I STARTED TO REGRET IT THINKING ID DONE SUMAT REAL BAD AND ID TURNED HIM AGAINST THE TRUTH IT HAS BEEN A VERY UP AND DOWN EXPERIENCE FOR ME OVER THESE LAST FEW YEARS,BUT IV FINALY COME TO TERMS WITH LEAVEING EVEN THOE I NEW THEY WERE WRONG I STILL HAD THE DEEP DEEP DREAD I WAS BEING MISSLED AND WAS VERY VERY WRONG.NOW MY HUSBAD IS THE ONE WHOS ALWAYS TELLING ME AND HELPING ME WHEN I START TO WORRY.

      (Quote)

  8. Richard says:

    Hi, jw struggles, i came across this website yesterday and i love what is being presented here. I am a closet apostate lol! Find out the thruth was not true a year ago. But have stayed because of my love ones( a lovely girl) though am the only witness in my family. I still find it difficult to leave.but am resolved to hold the bull by the horn come what may!- diassociating myself from the org. Please remember me in your prayers. Greetings from Ghana, west Africa.

      (Quote)

  9. Freethinkerinjah says:

    Welcome Richard!
    You will find spiritual refreshment here. May Jehovah bind up your wounds, and heal your heart and show you the real truth. He did for me!
    Your sister in the truth, Freethinkerinjah .

      (Quote)

  10. Ruth says:

    Hullo Richard from Ghana west Africa! Welcome to my part of the world Australia.

    When you dissasociate your self from the tower, what will you do for spiritual refreshment?
    Dont leave your heavenly Father what ever you do. He is not in religion, he lives in the hearts of his true followers. 1 John 4:4 Keep reading and praying for Gods direction and help always relying on him. Rely not on anyman.

    l can understand how hard it really is for ones who have made a choice to serve the living and true God but because of Religion, have had to give up on there relationships with the ones they love.

    Think perhaps there may be a few like that around. Mormans, exclusive bretheran, Jehovah witnessess. They all rip families apart if people find they are fraudulant.

    Most of us here have now accepted Jesus Christ as the head of the sheep. We read his words very carefully and follow the lamb where he goes. “Not religion”

    But of cause each grow at different rates and step by step the true sheep are put back into Christs loving arms.

    Happy to hear your story Richard. “Trust in God with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. “Rememeber your not alone on this journey”
    Ruth

      (Quote)

Leave a Reply

Website Apps