Many of us have mates that are not awake to the flaws and inconsistencies that we have discovered. They may refuse to even listen to what we have to say and it can hurt our feelings greatly. This varies in degree from marriage to marriage, but the primary thing for us to remember is this: Be as patient and loving with your wife or husband as you possibly can! They may need much time to absorb the shock of hearing these new truths that they have been indoctrinated to reject as “apostate”. If you have shared your doubts or outright disagreement with some of the unscriptural teachings of the Watchtower Society they may be greatly troubled and hurt by it. The fear of losing you, the belief that you will die at Armageddon is real to them. Also the disgrace among their peers, the breakup of the family, etc. are legitimate reasons for them to be mad and fearful. To help us be empathetic, think of it this way- suppose that your spouse came home with a book written by a terrorist organization. You may even see them reading the book. Then over the next few weeks they begin to dress differently, perhaps just as these type of people who wrote the book do. How would you feel? Would it bother you? Could it make you scared and uncomfortable to be around them? Of course! This is exactly how your husband or wife may feel about you. You might not have done a single thing to warrant this treatment, but nonetheless it does not invalidate or change their feelings. Jesus said “wisdom is proved righteous by it’s works”. (Matthew 11:19) Many insults and accusations were hurled against Him, and this is what can happen when tempers rise. Here’s the full scripture:
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The Son of man did come eating and drinking, still people say, ‘Look! A man gluttonous and given to drinking wine, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.’ All the same, wisdom is proved righteous by its works. (Matthew 11:19)
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If we work hard to be a good mate they will see this. Try not to go off half-cocked but think through each decision and each conversation you have with them. They may even “be won without a word” through our calm Christian conduct through this crisis. (1 Peter 3:1) It may take time, but we shouldn’t give up on them, because we wouldn’t want them to give up on us! Some positive advice on this is in the 2007 Watchtower:
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Husbands who exercise a humble attitude like that of Jesus will likely have the cooperation and support of their wives. But patience is needed. Later that very Passover night, the apostles argued again regarding which one of them seemed to be the greatest. (Luke 22:24) Changes in attitudes and conduct often take time and are gradual. Yet, how rewarding when positive results are realized, as they were among the apostles! (w07 2/15 p. 17 par. 20)
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After doing some digging I found an article that is even more specific to our plight. Below is the good advice given almost one hundred and twenty years ago in the Watchtower Magazine:
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If an unwise course in the past has overwhelmed the wife with family cares too numerous for her to bear with easy grace, see that no more are added; but instead, “put your shoulder to the wheel” and help her with them as much as possible. What if tending the babies and washing the dishes is woman’s work! if she has too much of it to admit of an hour’s leisure with you or with the Lord or with the study of his truth for herself– or if under the pressure of constant duties, she has lost all relish for intellectual culture, and much of her faith in spiritual realities– it will do you good to share these tasks with her, until you have tied the last knot of the day’s duties, and ran then sit down together to study the truth. As gradually she comes to realize your love and interest she will have the more respect for you and for the doctrines whose fruit she sees exemplified in your daily life. At first, if this is a new thing, she may regard it as only a little unusual freak; but, by and by, constancy will increase confidence, and a responsive chord will be found in her heart; and the soil. thus carefully plowed and prepared, will be mellow and ready for the seeds of truth, and you and she and the home will be blessed. Try it brethren…
As the head of the domestic arrangement it is the duty of the Christian husband to say, “As for me and my house [as far as lies in the power of my influence], we will serve the Lord.” And the Christian wife, recognizing this responsibility on his part, will gladly co-operate. In so far as she can conscientiously do so; and will put no stumbling block in his way, although she may view his methods differently. She may carefully endeavor to convince him of the truth. But she may not interfere with his conscience or his responsibility to God. Nor should the husband’s course with the wife be arbitrary and unreasoning. He should not disregard her conscience to hinder the full and free exercise of all her talents in God’s service; but should grant her as great latitude in the use of the home as his conscience and responsibility as the head of the family will permit; for they are “heirs together of the grace of life.” If he sees differently he should bring forth his strong reasons for her consideration and possible approval, and patiently hear her different views, in hope of final harmony. But if harmony cannot be reached the responsibility for the home and its influence rests with the husband who, by divine appointment, is its head. — Watchtower 1893, page 1555
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You will notice this last paragraph especially- it was written back when freedom of thought was still allowed within the pages of the Watchtower. What a balanced way to put it, despite the old-fashioned wording. Could you share this article with your mate? You are only quoting from the Watchtower and nothing else. Try it if you can, and hopefully it will help.
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Those old watchtowers have a lot of great stuff in them, although sometimes the lingo is hard to understand
Rorshach(Quote)
Good job JJ! Your web site is always very informative and helpful. I am sure these articles will help people for years to come.
Your brother,
Greybeard
greybeard(Quote)
Thanks for stressing patience JJ. Some have tried to forcefully to confront their marriage mates with what they have found and only weakened considerably their marriage.
Its strange that sometimes the friends even consider old Watchtower literature as semi-apostate. I remember when a few Witnesses began reading some old books and Watchtowers at the KH library, a special pioneer said “I don’t think we should be doing this, it could be dangerous.” As if she were afraid of finding out something.
andrew(Quote)
Hello JJ,
A big thanks for your continued efforts in sharing your Christian journey. A well thought out article. Thank you.
LonelySheep(Quote)
Hello to all. I have recently been told about this site. It is wonderful, and thank you. I have, over the last couple of days, read every post since early February. There is a lot of great information. I am an active witness starting to attempt the process of fading. My biggest holdup is my wife. I am trying desperately to show here the truths that I have seen. I want to thank all of you for the informative material in these blogs. JJ, this post really helps me to be patient in trying to show my wife what I have seen. Sometimes I feel like I am making great progress and other times it feels like I have gotten nowhere. I know this will be the case, perhaps for a long time to come. But I will push on. I can’t wait to discuss more in the future with all of you.
Papabear(Quote)
Welcome Papabear,
I’m in the same boat with my wife as you are, nice to have you around.
andrew(Quote)
Me too,
Same boat, welcome Papabear, hope all goes well with Mamabear
greybeard(Quote)
Welcome Papabear. Glad to have you here! Looking forward to fellowshipping with you.
Dennis
Dennis(Quote)
Papabear
You are very welcome here brother- I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts and background as time goes on. I feel it is critical that we stick together, as we are a minority in a minority, sometimes with our backs to the wall. If you can, please IM me through the site or email me at jwstruggle(àt)gmail(dot)com. You are in my prayers- as soon as I finish this comment I will say one.
JJ(Quote)
I WAS THE ONE AT FIRST WHO STARTED TO TELL MY HUSBAND THINGS AND I STARTED TO SWAY HIM BUT THEN WHEN I DID FOR SOME REASON I STARTED TO REGRET IT THINKING ID DONE SUMAT REAL BAD AND ID TURNED HIM AGAINST THE TRUTH IT HAS BEEN A VERY UP AND DOWN EXPERIENCE FOR ME OVER THESE LAST FEW YEARS,BUT IV FINALY COME TO TERMS WITH LEAVEING EVEN THOE I NEW THEY WERE WRONG I STILL HAD THE DEEP DEEP DREAD I WAS BEING MISSLED AND WAS VERY VERY WRONG.NOW MY HUSBAD IS THE ONE WHOS ALWAYS TELLING ME AND HELPING ME WHEN I START TO WORRY.
serein(Quote)
Hi, jw struggles, i came across this website yesterday and i love what is being presented here. I am a closet apostate lol! Find out the thruth was not true a year ago. But have stayed because of my love ones( a lovely girl) though am the only witness in my family. I still find it difficult to leave.but am resolved to hold the bull by the horn come what may!- diassociating myself from the org. Please remember me in your prayers. Greetings from Ghana, west Africa.
Richard(Quote)
Welcome Richard!
You will find spiritual refreshment here. May Jehovah bind up your wounds, and heal your heart and show you the real truth. He did for me!
Your sister in the truth, Freethinkerinjah .
Freethinkerinjah(Quote)
Hullo Richard from Ghana west Africa! Welcome to my part of the world Australia.
When you dissasociate your self from the tower, what will you do for spiritual refreshment?
Dont leave your heavenly Father what ever you do. He is not in religion, he lives in the hearts of his true followers. 1 John 4:4 Keep reading and praying for Gods direction and help always relying on him. Rely not on anyman.
l can understand how hard it really is for ones who have made a choice to serve the living and true God but because of Religion, have had to give up on there relationships with the ones they love.
Think perhaps there may be a few like that around. Mormans, exclusive bretheran, Jehovah witnessess. They all rip families apart if people find they are fraudulant.
Most of us here have now accepted Jesus Christ as the head of the sheep. We read his words very carefully and follow the lamb where he goes. “Not religion”
But of cause each grow at different rates and step by step the true sheep are put back into Christs loving arms.
Happy to hear your story Richard. “Trust in God with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. “Rememeber your not alone on this journey”
Ruth
Ruth(Quote)